Have a Conversation
You may notice that a friend, family member or someone you care about doesn’t seem like themselves. You may be worried or concerned about them. It’s natural to want to provide relief and happiness, but you don’t have to have all the answers. You can be there to listen and be a friend. Often people really appreciate having someone who just listens.
When you are worried about someone it can be difficult to know what to say, or how to say it. This Conversation Guide, created by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health may be helpful.
Tips directly from the Conversation Guide:
Reach out
Ask how the person is doing. Let them know that you have been thinking about them. Be specific about what is concerning you.
You could say something like …
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been more withdrawn lately. Is everything okay? Do you want to talk?”
- “How have you been doing? Do you want to talk about what’s been on your mind?”
Even if the person doesn’t want to talk or doesn’t think there is a problem, knowing that you care and that they can approach you may open a conversation and help them feel less alone.
Listen
Listening to someone and giving them a space to be heard is often one of the best things you can do for someone who is facing a mental health challenge.
You could say something like …
- “I’m here for you.”
- “I would like to hear more about what’s been going on for you.”
We tend to jump to problem solving when we want to help, but slowing down and just being with the person gives them a chance to feel connected and think about what would be most helpful for them.
Offer support
Be compassionate. If the person’s behaviour is out of character, it may mean that a person is having a mental health problem or that they are under some other kind of stress. A comment like “just relax” or “you’ll get over it” can come across as judgmental. Instead, show the person that you’re there to offer support.
You could say something like …
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “What do you need right now?”
- “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Be genuine. If the person feels that you are doing this because you care, and are trying to act in their best interest, it is more likely that you’ll be able to offer authentic support.
Discuss resources and next steps
Support the person in coming up with a plan. They may have been through something like this before and have an idea of what helps them, or this might be the first time they have felt this way. In any case, they may need support locating resources and identifying coping strategies.
You could say something like …
- “Have you ever felt this way before? What was helpful in the past?”
- “Have you talked to anyone else about this?
- “Have you reached out to your family doctor?”
If they don’t believe there’s a problem, don’t argue with them about it and don’t suggest possible solutions. You can keep checking in to see how they’re doing or try getting together more often, if that’s what they want.
Read the entire Conversation Guide to learn more.
Concerned About Someone who is Feeling Suicidal?
Suicide is the act of ending one’s own life on purpose. There are many Risk and Protective Factors for Suicide . It is rarely one single event or circumstance that causes someone to feel suicidal. It is a complex issue and it may be difficult to listen to, and understand why, someone says they feel like ending their life.
According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, people who die by suicide or attempt suicide may not really want to end their life. Suicide may seem like the only way to deal with difficult feelings or situations. Suicide is often related to complex mix of things that cause stress and health issues leading people to feel hopeless, isolated, and in despair.
Asking or talking about suicide with someone you are worried about will not put the idea in their mind – that’s a myth.
How can You Help?
- Provide support and be a good listener to someone who says they want to end their life. These can be difficult conversations. If you can listen without judging them, it an help the person feel less isolated and reminds them that you care.
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Get the person help so that they can be safe. Let them know about calling or texting 9-8-8 which is a suicide crisis helpline.
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You may need to take them to the nearest hospital or call 9-1-1 for help.
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Also, look after your own mental health when helping or reaching out to a person who feels suicidal. You can also call 9-8-8 as they are a service for people who are worried about someone in their lives. They can talk to you about your concerns and offer advice and support.
You can read more about suicide prevention including signs and symptoms, causes and risk factors from the Canadian Mental Health Association and the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, including how you can help someone who is at risk for suicide.
There have been resources created to support people who are feeling suicidal and their friends and families.
Check out our Mental Health Support page for mental health resources.